Tag Archives: Crying

A gift

Below is something I wrote a while back, much you’ll recognise from Divine Truth. I’ve added some personal commentary as a guide to how it’s relating to me in my life at present.

A gift doesn’t lose value if a person chooses not to wholeheartedly receive it. It’s value is inherent in itself. Each of us we’re born as a perfect gift to the world, irrespective of how the world receives us. Each of us are likewise always valuable, whether or not we choose to give the gift of ourselves or not.

Therefore perfect love knows the value of every person and everything, irrespective any other value system or what we choose to do or not do. And because the most perfected in love is God, God therefore must hold the highest value for each one of us and likewise is always willing to bestow His / Her love to everyone of us, irrespective of whether we choose to receive it or not.

I often find it difficult to see this in myself – that is my value which I do feel only sometimes God sees in me. For that reason rather than feel my sense of little value, I’m often looking for external validation to support the concept that I am valuable in order to avoid feeling my real feelings about how valuable I actually feel I am. The funny thing is when I choose to really get into that real feeling of being without value – i.e. no one’s ever going to see any use for me, I can cry about it and once I cry enough and trust the love I feel is coming from God to me, even if I feel very little of this at that point – I can at least believe that whatever emotion is arising due to opening myself more and more to God’s love, God will be there, so I’m in a safe place moving towards the direction of Her love even if I am afraid of where I believe it’s taking me.

Yet we may not feel we are loved in each and every moment of our lives but we may chose to believe in the possibility that this is true. This belief in the possibility of being loved by God can be a step towards our own personal examination of whether this is true, even if it starts as a conjecture.

I feel this is where faith may start, at least that’s where it starts for me. By believing in the possibility of God being there for me, I’m able to more likely just feel the otherwise scary feelings or face the otherwise inconceivable situations that arise as a result of just opening to what occurs when I allow myself to open to God. Just now for instance I let myself cry in a local park in the rain under a child’s playground for shelter – knowing full well that someone seeing me would view me as nuts. I would view myself as nuts too. But I just, I guess had faith enough in the process that I felt God laid out for me and as a result in a short time I felt an amazing sense of gratitude for my life and for God providing this life for me, and just felt truly happy and secure in God’s hands as it were, whereas just moments before I felt stuck and uncertain.

If this is the case then it follows that it must be our own personal choice to allow ourselves to receive God’s love – as love can not force itself on anyone and if it does, it is no longer love.

So God, being the most perfected in love must also bestow love in a way as far removed from force or coercion as possible. Thus to receive God’s love we must first want it – or will it and once that occurs, because God’s offering of love cannot be anything but all enduring or unceasing, the reception of Her love must also be instantaneous.”

I have noticed this myself. When I do feel I’m connecting with God which is in-frequent, I often feel big feelings arising and then that it’s just too much and I often just say – “no not now” to myself, which I know comes from fear, but when this happens in an instant I feel a disconnect from God and to be honest a disconnect from myself as well. So the same goes with when I want to keep open to God and I’ve got no contradicting emotions about that in me, I feel God there straight away. God truly is a loving parent in that His being completely present in our lives never ever falters and to feel Him there, we just need to want.

Additionally, once we choose to open ourselves to know God and receive God’s love (by our own free will), the love we feel from God must also be unsurpassable in all the attributes of love because there can be no other love as perfect as God’s. So for this reason it has to be also the most rewarding and fulfilling love we can ever experience.

By the same token if we consider that love activates personal growth in our lives such as love for our body helps us to grow in health; or love for others helps us to grow in compassion, then it must also be true that to receive God’s love is to activate renewal and growth in each and every facet of our lives in the quickest and most economical way possible. We can know this as there can be no other love as powerful as God’s love in existence.

In my short time and really actually infrequent times I allow God’s love to be with me, I have found the most fulfilling moments of joy and so far my life I feel has shifted much more dramatically than ever before into a really positive and happy direction. If you happen to read some earlier posts here about other ways I was saying was how to find more life happiness, I can vouch for how different and really how much less effective these methods were in comparison to truly building a personal relationship with God has been for me and just how much in a short space of time and with far less messing about this has done to transform my life.

However as many of us do not presently love ourselves fully, what we want for ourselves can be very different to what is actually best for us from a position of perfect love for ourselves which is – in other words God’s position regarding each of us. Therefore the way we may grow as a result of receiving God’s love may be very different to the way we initially wished to grow beforehand.

So the way I’ve grown has not necessarily been with more abundance as I still struggle there, although when you think about that I now work in a job I did before and get substantially more monetary reward than I ever did and actually enjoy it much more too – there’s something to that but more significantly I feel has been the growth in love. There is just so much more love in my family and in my relationship than I ever had experienced before – and it’s been in a real sense and well it’s just awesome right now.

This discrepancy between our view of ourself and God’s view of us may then be a way to learn about where love is lacking in us. However a problem that might arise is we believe we cannot know exactly what God’s viewpoint is of us unless we can connect with God, which we also may believe is not possible.

Yet given that we can conjecture that God has the most perfect love for each of us and thereby also loves us more than any other being, we can then surmise that God would have for us a simple way to connect with Him and not only that but would allow us to discover any truth about ourselves through Him in a direct and relatively easy manner – if of course we choose to do so as love does not enforce it’s will on or over anyone. We can know this for instance because even a loving friend would not want to hide truths that we may be unaware of about ourselves when asked. So God with infinitely more love for us than the most loving friend would not only wish this for us but would also provide every opportunity for this to occur, if this is truly our will.

Some of the truths about myself I can understand why I did not want these to be in the forefront of my mind but honestly the most scary concept has always been experiencing these things emotionally. Things such as early sexual abuse by a family friend or the fact my dad at the time disregarded it; or not being a wanted pregnancy by my dad and mum or even to feel the damage I caused by cheating on my wife a number of times – these are no doubt heavy things to feel. But for me not feeling them, just enabled me to want to find things in my life to help me suppress them and keep them down. In the recent past for example I really just wanted to get out of it with drugs or alcohol. Or I’ve wanted to feel sexually wanted by another women to avoid feeling unwanted. In my opinion all these things are ways to manage or more closely to suppress my feelings and because I didn’t want to feel these all the ways to help me not feel them became so attractive for me. So I can really see that God would want us to feel our own stuff and would want to assist us to that end because She loves us and so does not want us to live by the emotional pain we are afraid of experiencing. These feelings mind you, I’ve only recently allowed myself to feel more fully.

So by allowing our will to come into harmony with the will of God in this respect we may come to know God and many truths from God in a direct way. This is especially the case if that truth concerns our personal growth in love, which is primarily what God wishes for each us.

So from this perspective, we can imagine that when we exercise our free will in harmony with God’s will or more specifically align our choices to what God’s love for us would also want for us, our personal growth or our growth in love must be the most rapid and most powerful available. Conversely, when we exercise our free will out of harmony with what God’s love would choose for us, our growth must be vastly impeded.

We might then choose to examine the results in both of these approaches and see what difference they make to our lives and thereby slowly by deduction come to know God’s will in respect us individually. However when we consider that it is also God’s desire for us to grow in the most rapid and beneficial way possible, it follows that a much more direct way to know what God’s love would desire for us in each and every moment is available to us by God.

If we consider the possibility that our primary sense is a receptiveness to the emotions of others, given that all other forms of sensing things around us was developed later or secondary to this, we may deduce this to be also the most primary means to communicate with God. We may say this considering God too would desire to communicate with us on the onset of us coming into the world.

If this is the case, then we may feel directly when our will is in or out of harmony with God’s will. In this sense we may feel a strong and clear connection to God when our will aligns with that of God’s, and when our will does not, it must follow that a weak and unclear connection will be felt. As the reception of God’s love or a connection with Her is instantaneous based on our free will, such a method might be used from moment to moment whenever we truly wish to do so. We may thereby know God’s will in respect to what God’s love for us would desire us to do or in fact any truth we are passionate to know about in a very direct manner.

It’s been sometime ago I wrote this and I’m a little fearful to post, so here goes…