When I was younger I used to go out in big surf, partly to face the fear, partly to impress my mates, and well a big part was riding those monster waves and the rush of it too. It would mean though that I’d often get wiped out or get a huge wave break right before me. When that happens you go down and just get tossed around so much that you’ve got no idea where’s up. I don’t know if you’ve experienced that but my immediate reaction was to swim against it, like force myself up, although you’d have no idea where up was and anyway you’ve got no power to match what’s pushing you down anyway. The funny thing is I’d still fight it, I’d lose all my energy and I’d start trying to breathe but I’d just swallow water. An exercise in futility if ever there was one!
I don’t remember where I heard it but I got some very sound advice once to know what to do – just go all floppy. In other words don’t fight it, don’t try to go anywhere, just experience it and let it take you and simply wait it out. I did this the next time I was in that situation, and it was scary but eventually when the wave had fully washed over, and the process was done, I just floated back to the top. The interesting thing is just letting go was the safest and easiest way to handle it.
I reckon emotions are like that, they come up like a wave and sometimes they’re monster ones, often we hardly see them coming and they just break on us, we get tumbled around and lose control, it feels like we’ve lost all sense of direction and we don’t know what to do. I’ve found for me the best is not try to release it, stop fighting things, and just experience where it takes me – whether or not I feel completely overwelmed and powerless to it… just go all floppy.
Sometimes I just go all floppy in the arms of what I perceive to be God, eventually like in the surf I just float up and feel at peace.
…Until the next wave