Sensitivity, its something we don’t really want. I know I’m mostly trying to avoid it when it doesn’t suit me, that’s what I tell myself anyway. We’re also living in a world where its prized by us even to show how far we can remove ourselves from being sensitive. We’ll celebrate people who push through the pain, who can run marathons and not give in, those who can work long hours without breaking. We do it for an important cause, a project, a deadline, another person, almost anything where we can reach out for some type of a reward. I do this, you probably do this too, we all do it, we’re all waiting for the reward, what else can we do? We ask ourselves that question assuming there’s no alternative.
Some of us believe that all our goals need to be worked for, there needs to be a struggle, sometimes the reward isn’t even worth it when there’s no struggle to get it. What’s the saying? “No pain no gain”. This of course is just something we tell ourselves again.
Some of us expect others to provide our rewards, someone else is always responsible to work it out for us, the government, society, family, religion, a guru – someone or something else provides and we are entitled to get, we’re entitled to everything without having to give anything. This is something else we tell ourselves also.
We can lie to ourselves very well you know, especially these lies because these are the very same lies that lead us to accept struggle and expect what we can’t even give ourselves, they are the lies that help us justify holding on and perpetually wait for the promised rewards that never really come. These too are one of the many lies we tell ourselves that help keep us down, that help us from feeling our true potential, and being it to the utmost – our true potential right now and every moment after this.
When we’re not ourselves, when we don’t use our own potential, what’s actually inevitable is there will be a lack to no reward in our lives. And what’s the remedy for the inevitable disappointment about our rewards that don’t really come? It’s that we didn’t work hard enough or someone else didn’t work hard enough for us, we say. It’s not the fault of all these lies we’ve been acting out, the scripts we sell to ourselves as “real”, the ones we teach our children, the theatre we internalise into ourselves every moment. No, someone’s to blame, or no, we’re to blame. We / they haven’t worked hard or long enough, we / they didn’t commit with enough tenacity!
But sometimes its not that. Sometimes all we can do is resign ourselves to failure . It’s our innate problem we say, we must be too broken to achieve, we’re a mistake, we’re too messed up for anyone to want to help us, we’ll never amount to anything, we’ll never be able to receive the prize because we’re just not good enough and its evidenced by our lack of rewards, we say.
So, we then get caught up in these ideologies, concepts that have no basis in reality, we become like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other, one lie to the next… “no, I’m not good enough”… “no, I didn’t or others didn’t work hard enough for me”. It goes back and forth all our lives and we don’t give ourselves time to question, is any of this actually true?
If our beliefs aren’t based on reality and we’re just telling ourselves lies after lies, then who else is protecting ourselves from the truth? Who else separates ourselves from reality? No one else is responsible, only we are responsible for what we tell ourselves.
And how would we accomplish the feat of turning away from ourselves so completely? We’d have to had severely limited our ability to comprehend somehow, we’d have to had stopped ourselves from being sensitive to what’s real and we could only do that by dumbing our own senses down. We somehow had to compromise our ability to feel our real selves, the real self that doesn’t need to push through to be good enough, the real self that doesn’t need to be attended to – to be loveable, the real self that doesn’t need to have embellishments on what’s already an amazing miracle, what’s already more than perfect right now.
The problem is we can’t find our real self anymore because we’ve spent so long pulling the wool over our eyes that even when a mirror is put right in front of us, we have almost no sense left to truly feel ourselves as we are – the real person who exists in the real reality.
It all sounds strange, I know. Where’s the proof, we ask, this is just another concept, a story people tell themselves to make themselves feel better. So we turn away because it just doesn’t sound feasible, it’s just too simple and it can’t be that way, because the world is complex.
Maybe though the world isn’t that complex, maybe we’re just convinced there’s no simple way to know the world from what is already available to us, already with us. So the world can only be something we can’t comprehend ourselves – a complex and un-comprehendible world. But what if we could trust our own sensitivity and the simple truths that it gives us, would we still need to validate answers outside of us in the “complex world”?
I heard today that God can’t exist in the way we believe, because this God is not able to come and give us proof of that claim, the claim of his existence, in flesh and blood, a real living being that we can interact with. That might be so or maybe we haven’t yet questioned why we believe God to be something others have told us. Maybe we haven’t thought about how a God of other people’s fictions can possibly interact with us. Can we interact with fiction?
But what if the real God is here and has been here all along making proof of this claim every moment. What if in the same way we are unable to sense ourselves, we’ve lost the capability to sense God too? When the senses we all have that are capable enough to know reality as it is by our own experience and in our own unique way becomes compromised, does this mean God is compromised to us too? Does this mean we’re too caught up in our fictions of God to feel the real one?
If this is true and God still wants to make proof of the claim and be a real part of our lives, could not we just ask, and feel God on our own? Could we not prove this to ourselves by our own experience. Wouldn’t a God that loves want that for us? Surely too God is powerful enough to make his presence known to us no matter how shut down we are to our own sensitivity? If we sincerely want this, and if God already wants this, would God not answer?
And what if we get an answer from God, what if we feel God in our hearts? Would we need another person to validate what we feel to be, in order for it to be real? If we need another to validate our own senses, are we really trusting our own senses? And if we don’t trust our own senses, can we trust ourselves? And if we cant, isn’t this just the thing that disables us and hides us from knowing reality in the first place? And are we not then disabling our ability to know God too?
Of course, these are just words and words are just ideas, and they cannot be proven as factual experiences of something real. There are only letters here on the screen being read, sentences probably not particularly well constructed but in essence, these words are meaningless, unless what I’m saying resonates with something you’ve experienced too.
Imagine though that what I’m saying is true, that it’s possible we can connect with our creator directly through that simple desire to feel God in the present. Not a construct or fiction of what God is, not an assumption, not an idea that we’ve come to know through other people’s words in the bible for instance, but through our own direct and unique experience. If God created us, and we just ask to feel his presence in a sincere way, might we experience God as a real being? Could we not come to know God on our own through our own sensitivity, through our own unique experience?
I make the claim that we can, that this is possible, because I’ve felt God, and its really not a hard thing to do – just a sincere desire is needed. Try it, “ask and you will receive” said Jesus in the bible. I urge you not to believe me, believe yourself.
Or is it again too simple, just far too simple to be possible?