Death by denial

Think about what might be the effect of the mostly usual parenting to many, when parents often (and this includes me too) attend to our kids much more wholeheartedly in times of our kids’ own distress. Is it possible then, that many of us grow to emotionally (some might say unconsciously) interpret this as only being deserving of love and attention when we are struggling in some way, shape or form? And if many of us feel that we’re in a loveless world, not that it’s just absent but we believe that it doesn’t really exist and still crave it, will we only be left starved, as we feed from whatever substitute we can find but being substitutes, leaves us unsatisfied?

But is it more than that.. could it be that the painful existence we weave for ourselves, even in our ‘normal’ states of emotional damage, is really a way of reaching for the moments we felt unabated attention, what felt like real love, the love that we don’t believe in but still crave? So is it possible then that we are slowly distressing ourselves through our own potential to create what we really want to and so we purposely feed ourselves with things of no substance, things that can never replenish us, or essentially give us life, because we’re really wanting and waiting for love that only comes to us when we are in pain, or we are in danger, or we coming too close to death?

If we are denying that we ourselves are killing ourselves off, it’s not really a presumption to say we are also denying why we are doing it too.

I know this one’s a heavy and slightly cryptic post, but it may be worth reflecting on.

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