Next weekend Jesus and Mary are coming down to Bondi in Sydney to do a seminar, so I’ll be there and it will be a first time I’ve been to one of their events. It sounds weird saying Jesus, it’s even weirder saying Jesus and coming to Bondi in the same sentence. I usually refer to him as AJ – and Mary, well that’s easy because that’s her name now as it was when she was Magdelene, so nothing to confront there.
My brother asked me the other day about whether I believed AJ was Jesus, I said I do but that I don’t know for sure. That in itself is a bit strange, if I break that down – how can I or anyone believe something which we don’t know for certain. It might be more accurate to say that it feels right, from where I stand that AJ and Jesus and for that matter Mary and Mary Magdelene are the same soul as they say, but does this mean I’m certain? We’ll honestly I’d be lying if I said so.
In some ways it’s not so important to me, because I’ve just got so much out of what I’ve heard listening to the YouTube seminars and trying things out, experimenting with it and finding out things inside of me changing. I mean all in all I’ve just become a whole lot more real, and I treat myself and others better, I guess I’ve grown with a little bit more love and I believe that’s the whole point, right? Love.
Anyway, let’s be honest, I’m not wearing any white robe, I struggle, I find things hard, I get angry, I pretend to myself, I often want to give up, but it’s all a little rounder on the edges, a little bit softer this thing called living as me, more so anyway than I’ve ever felt before. But, just in case I’m seeming like I’m marketing the seminar or Jesus and Mary I’m now going to stop now talking about this. I’ve done that before y’know and I get now that this was not just about an uncertainty about who they are, but more so about myself and my own convictions. It goes like this I suppose – if you don’t trust yourself enough, you’ll be looking to others to verify things for you and fill those holes in yourself before you can actually believe anything. I’ve got my fair share of holes, I’m like Swiss cheese!
But anyway, there’s another thing more pressing on my mind right now. This is a big one. Yesterday my dog, Misiu took a bite at my 3 year old daughter’s nose. Her name is Hala. In case anyone is concerned, she’s fine, she’s only got a little mark on the side of her nose left to see. What worries me is this is not the first time he’s bitten her, all times there’s only been very minor marks, never has bleed or anything like that, but I’m worried he might do some more damage one of these days.
We’ve had Misiu for a long time, he’s about 13 years old and through that time because of mine and my wife’s unstable life, he’s moved around a lot, spent time living apart from us a few times and has lived in various houses few out the years. My quick head count is about 13 or 14 different homes, 3 of which we didn’t live with him. He also lived with other dogs, and they weren’t mostly friendly to him.
Cara, my first dog for instance, snapped at him often when he was a pup. Snowy the dog we got from the pound, assumed the alpha dog role, Tiffy and DJ the little Yorkshire terriers of my sister in law used to yap at him whenever he went near them. Olley, my friend’s dog constantly got into fights with him and Sunday, the young Lab of my another mate’s showed him that being half her size wouldn’t make him the top dog because he tried to make out all the time that he was. All these dogs he lived with for longish stretches of time and I think the instability had some effect. He’s still now in fairly good physical shape, besides his failing vision and hearing.
The thing is it’s obvious he see’s my daughter as an annoyance and even worse a threat to the relationship he has with me. When he snapped at Hala’s face, I was patting him and she just came up to pat him too. I can see that he generally looks at others who are close to me as a threat to the relationship he has with me. Even does this with my wife, like sometimes he barks when we hug for example. He’s very temperamental around food and often shows his teeth at Hala when she gets too close and when one of us is preparing food in the kitchen. So it’s pretty volatile and something has to change. First thing is we’re going to the vet tomorrow and we will be talking about what to do.
I know there’s some big things for me to reflect on. He’s set himself as my dog a fair while back, so it’s my emotions he’s mirroring. Explaining that idea, I just read a good article here:
But this is a really hard one for me, I’m hoping the meeting with the vet tomorrow will help clarify what to do here.