I’ve never really wrote to you, I think I was always a little scared because you are the most powerful being that exists but I know that you love me, so I don’t really need to be afraid. But still I’m afraid as you know, because I feel because I am so imperfect, you wouldn’t want to listen – so I don’t feel good enough for you to hear me. I know I’m wrong about that, I feel you try to tell me this all the time and I want to believe you and I also want to thank you for that.
I want to thank you too for loving me, even when I deny you being there, even when I deny that you love me – even when I turn away from your love – your love is consistent, always waiting for me, wanting me to receive it. I appreciate that, even though I feel I don’t deserve it, the fact that you feel I am completely deserving really helps me. I’m just a little lost for now, I’m more used to the shadows because it’s what I’ve always known – but now I want move from that place, I want to grow in love, I want to be closer to you.
So I’m writing this for now, I’m trying to write from my heart but it’s all new for me. I’ll keep trying again to be open with my emotions, be true to myself, so that I can reach out to you. I do thank you for your patience, your care and protection. I know I was closer when I was really young, it felt natural for me then. I feel I’m ready to be a child again – open, curious, feeling everything as I did anything. I’ve starting that process and really can’t wait until I’m able to open myself fully. I know you believe in me and that really helps – thank you again for this.
I want to love you God, as you love me – I know I will find a way. I know you would like to help me to do this, so I’m feeling I’m beginning to be more and more willing to be guided by you to find the love in my heart to love you as you do me.
So that’s my first letter to you – my first and true mother and father, I am happy to be your son.