I wrote this when I was about 19 years old. I was doing a bit of travelling and did a series of writings where I’d ask myself question and answer them – I was giving myself advise! Here’s one of these:
What is beauty?
Beauty is all that you desire but what you desire is clouded by the need for definitions. There is nothing definite apart from what you perceive to be.
Beauty on your part is fear that seeks its own freedom. You look for a safe haven but your safety is no more something outside of yourself than within yourself. What is within you has always been there. There is no need to restrict it from shining through.
When the purity of all shines through, when expression is free from obstruction and when clarity is as full as reality – one finds beauty.
Why do I say: “be free from attachment”? This is because you tend to associate the goal of your ego, created by your own insecurities with things you believe to be real. Real in a sense of non-obstruction or the freedom of needing to achieve something, change or alter what already is. You create this paradox and at the same time you feel you are stuck in it. This too is the illusion of your reality. You believe you are not free, when that is exactly who and what you are.
Freedom is your nature – trust and be one with yourself. This is not the time to dabble with insecurities and bind yourself with things you believe are separate. Remember what has always been said: “this is permanent and what is permanent is your true identity”.
You know your truth, so become it and don’t hide from it anymore. It is you and you are free – become what you are and life will begin to flourish whenever you witness the flow of all things.
All things flow through you and without obstruction there is only pure freedom and beauty – this is your true nature. It is simple and easy to become what you already are. It is much harder not to.
There is nothing magical, difficult or elaborate about this. Don’t make it that way and everything you really hope for, will become.
Where to now?
Now, where is now? I am now here but even when I am there, I am still here. Forever we wander from there to now but this quest has no end. Where there is no end how can there be a beginning? It is in fact impossible for there to be distinction between the two. Without distinction, there is no more quest.
When there is no more to search for, there is no more to question. Why is cancelled out as it is simply said – why not?
Neither is relevant for what you seek. As both exist as one, there is nothing to separate and no more distinction between the two.
Why do I not understand?
You have trapped yourself in magical solutions and cannot except reality as it is. Everything is real – every emotion, feeling, fear, confusion, anxiety but also just as real is courage, understanding and joy. There is no eternal resting point from one to the other for your reality exists like a pendulum swinging between the two.
As it swings, there appears to be no solution – as one continually opposes the other. Every aspect of life – from the smallest to the largest you imagine as always moving and existing in one extreme or another. Yet the same reality states both exists at the same time – there is no true opposition.
When there is no more opposition, there is not more understanding to be gained. As understanding is really another way of merging or settling. It seeks to rectify the struggle between opposing parts and the paradox of this dual existence you believe you are caught in.
There is no more to achieve and nothing else to become but existing as you are. Believe in yourself, trust yourself – be as you are.